WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
