My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
