when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
