the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
