so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize