WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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