I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
