Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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