Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
