You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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