When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
