If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I party with great urgency now.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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