I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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