So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
