Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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