His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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