Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
