hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
