i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize