that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
