my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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