But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
