He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
