just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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