alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
