There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
