Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
