I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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