Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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