what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
