My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize