Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
