Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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