do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
