and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
