I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
