tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
