So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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