Swine flu is the new snow day.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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