If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
