Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
