Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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