Capitaan dildo arrescate!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
