He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
