My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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