I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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