8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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