I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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