a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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