If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
