I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
