I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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