I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
