Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
