can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
