if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
