yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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