I accidentally burped into my bong.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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