She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
