I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
