she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize