he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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