How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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