in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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